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They Break the News, I Break it Again!

Beatdown is three weeks old today and I think I’ve finally solved my first/third person problem. Or, maybe I should say that Beatdown has solved it. Or maybe…

Anyway, it looks like the war is winding down. And now the hard part is about to begin, as Iraqis try to pick up the pieces and the Coalition tries to keep control. Then there’s that missing guy with the mustache to worry about too. (I know, they all have mustaches… get yer playing cards here, can’t tell who’s the bad guys without your Pentagon playing cards!)

I’ve been playing a lot of Raven Shield lately, and it’s nice to see the UN actually working toward global change for a change…. Can I get a rimshot please?

Is this thing on?

Lastly, we’re enjoying the weird lull that always occurs just before E3. That means more announcements are coming down the pike then there are games on the shelf. It’s a perfect time to revisit older games, pick up a few you missed, or, I dunno, go outside or something. Anyway, it’s Monday, time for Beatdown.

HEADLINE: Saddam’s Secret!

The war is ending, and the “Coalition of the Willing” has been wildly successful. Iraqi citizens are dancing in the streets while pulling down statues. They’re also looting, but it’s hard to blame them., even if it is sad to see. 30 years of repression does stuff to you man. But, at the time of this writing, Saddam’s fate is still unknown. According to experts like Kenneth Pollack (“The Threatening Storm”), Hussein was a big fan of Stalin and Hitler. Let’s hope he isn’t also a fan of early PC shooters.

Phear Bub’s L33t photoshop sk1llz!

Item!

According to London’s Media Guardian Sony has trademarked the name “Shock & Awe” for a new computer game (emphasis mine). It’s doubtful that’s true, unless British people think the PS2 is a computer. Anyway, so quickly after a war we’ll see a new game featuring the most annoying catchphrase from the war on store shelves. If you’re embedded in your ID, just wait in the trenches and have your chemsuit ready in case of WMD. Or just go AWOL. The article also notes that other companies have trademarked “Operation: Iraqi Freedom”, “Battle of Baghdad” (that turned out rather unimpressive), and “Conflict Desert Storm II: Back to Baghdad” (odd, we’ve never actually been there before – the Brits did, but that was a long time ago and they weren’t invited this time). Personally, I’d like to see a game where you play as tough-as-nails Colin Powell and take on the entire UN Security Council in one-on-one brutal fighting battles. “Take that Chirac!” Don’t worry Colin, Cameroon’s got yer back buddy!