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They Break the News, I Break it Again!

Ah Spring his here! Ah me. April: a time for green grass, downy chicks, and bunny rabbits. Yes, it’s supposed to be nice and warm and birds are supposed to be singing. I think the local Midwestern birds are all dead now. Thanks to some nice sleight of hand from Mother Nature they’re flash frozen with surprised looks on their faces. Yeah, April opened with 6” of snow and temperatures in the low 30’s. As odd as that seems consider than a mere week later, last Monday, the mercury rose to 91! It stayed there, hot and humid as all get out, for two days. I was miserable because the only thing I hate more than cold-cold weather is hot-hot weather. Where was my nice and mild 65-70 degree window? Can’t I have a couple weeks of fun sunlight and outside time for my delicate baby-smooth alabaster skin in between the arctic chill and the equatorial oppression? No. Because just after two days of 91 degrees it fickly plunged to 35 degrees and it’s still there now! (It’s Good Friday at the time of this writing.) Wonderful, this means my almost 3-year old daughter (Official Daughter of Beatdown) will have to wear long underwear under her Easter dress and a parka over it! Festive. Bundle up, it’s time for some news.

HEADLINE: Exciting Crowbar Game Coming!

Everybody is abuzz this week over an innocuous ad currently appearing in the German multiplatform mag Edge. The ad features no writing, which is good because I can’t read German, but does feature a very attractive crowbar on a white background. Many have noted that the crowbar’s shadow helps form the #2. Now, what game was so big, so monumental, so powerful, and so memorable, that it could get away with such a vague advertisement? What game famously featured a crowbar? What game could it be? Hmmm… maybe, Blood 3? Yes, Beatdown officially predicts that Monolith is working on Blood 3. Why the shadowy 2? Founder Jason Hall is so endorphin and steroid-addled he mistakenly made the crowbar’s shadow form a 2. Mark my words!