Return Fire

Return Fire

How the hell am I supposed to argue with a column that sums up what it’s like to make pastries in Star Wars: Galaxies? As someone who prefers take-out menus to recipes, and isn’t the slightest bit interested in cooking for Corellians, I’m hardly qualified to comment. I’m actually not interested in doing anything online with space cakes, stormtrooper armor, or whatever else is helping to pay for the pricey digital cameras lensing Star Wars Episode III: We Haven’t Come Up With A Stupid Enough Subtitle Yet. Sci-fi boredom may have me replaying Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast at the moment, but I’m not desperate enough to try Star Wars Sims.

I do think, however, that somebody’s qualified to comment on the thing. Right now. Although Tom makes a good point about massively multiplayer games in their early stages being little more than social experiments, you can still review them without flipping over the calendar. The moving target he cites as the best reason to steer clear of a Star Wars: Galaxies review until Xmas is really the strongest indication that you should crank out a review as quickly as possible. Anything that you write on Monday might be out of date by Friday. As massively multiplayer thigamajigs are continually changing and evolving, there’s no point waiting for some sort of Air-Cakes epiphany before beginning a write-up. You can get the job done like you would any other game review. Just don’t pretend that you’re penning the usual epitaph. Feel free to throw in a lot of previewese about where the game might be headed. And forego listing your personal experiences for more detail about all the options, as you can’t be fair to such big games by going all Ang Lee and fervently detailing inanities on the one or two career paths you had time to explore.

Yes, this is a really wimpy way to write a review. But what can you really do with this genre? Massively multiplayer games are massive. They’re so loaded with content that they force you to embrace generalities. Focus in too closely on what you’re doing and you miss the big picture. Getting down all of the intricacies about becoming the Mon Calamari Martha Stewart just tells me that Star Wars: Galaxies has at least one really idiotic character class. Beyond that, I’m in the dark.

Of course, it’s also pretty easy to lapse into box-cover paragraphs sprinkled with banalities about graphics and sound. Or waste two-thirds of your word count on technical mumbo-jumbo about connection speeds. Covering these games is a tricky business. On that point, I’m in full agreement with Tom. You’ve got to walk a fine line between recounting those thrilling exploits in the Mos Eisley bakery (I think it was next door to the cantina) and simply telling readers what’s possible. You may be an expert reviewer, the only man in America capable of telling the truth about Deus Ex and Flying Heroes. You’re still just one of a couple hundred thousand subscribers and there’s no guarantee that your experiences will mesh with anybody else’s. That’s why I’m staying far, far away from Star Wars: Galaxies and all of the other pay-to-play extravaganzas for the moment. At least as a reviewer. I’m not sure how long I can suppress my inner R2-D2 and resist wandering the deserts of Tatooine, even if I’ve gotta bake a few cakes along the way.