Last Character

Citizen Kabuto

Citizen Kabuto - that name always brings up images of sleds for me. The truth couldn't be further from the thought. Kabuto is in actuality a big blue behemoth (how's that for alliteration?). Spawned by the Reapers for use as a defensive weapon, Kabuto attained self-awareness. I sqoosh, therefore I am. The moment this happened, Kabuto turned on his masters and proceeded to discover his existence through many a splattering.

Stealthy bush that is

No more head.

Kabuto is the last character you play in the game. Gone is the strategy, racing, and sniping -- all of that is replaced by one massive blue butt. Kabuto fights with his ass, his hands, and the occasional foot intervenes to flatten something that was missed by the other two. Kabuto doesn't need jet packs or turbos; he doesn't even need to swim. Kabuto is large enough to walk across the landscape at a leisurely pace and still have time to smell the fruits of his labor. He can run, but we mainly used that to get a running start on belly flops. There's nothing quite like using the world as your personal pool.

Mortar away

Boom!

ROWR!

Most of Kabuto's attacks are triggered by adrenaline. The more you wait, the more powerful the attack. If your adrenaline is involved, the resulting blow deforms the terrain in weird ripples, a very dope effect. The developers didn't want Kabuto to fight the world all by himself so they gave him the ability to spawn his own mini-Kabutos. These little guys need to be fed and taken care of. In their wee-state they are barely larger than your average man. However, when fully grown these guys come up to Kabuto's waist, and are able to deal just about as much damage Kabuto himself.

Oh dear!

Holy what?

Kabuto is given one weapon that has some range, but for the most part it's useless. The best part about the weapon is actually how it is made useless. When I discovered why nothing was happening I was elated! Your ranged weapon is nothing more than a magnifying glass, perfect considering your enemies are the size of ants. And magnifying glasses, as we all know, are used for only one thing, frying little critters! Seeing as the glass is focusing light, the sun is essential to this equation. If you aren't with your back to the sun, with the sun readily visible, the glass is worthless. No frying for you.

That!!

Majorca baby, Majorca

How does Kabuto regain health? Kabuto doesn't use health packs or go to a building to get his health back. Kabuto eats. And boy does he. Kabuto can consume just about every unit in the game. Everything can be turned into a light snack for our large friend. Just in case you get hungry along the way you can even store two meals if you are on the go. You conveniently skewer them on your horns and pull them off whenever you feel the slightest bit hungry like. Definitely too much turmeric.