Lara is Back

A long time coming…but not long enough

It’s been almost three years since the last Tomb Raider game. As the movie franchise revs up, Core Design and Eidos Entertainment have geared down. Angelina Jolie has been left to shoulder the weight (I’d say “weights,” but I promised the editors that I’d hold off on the big boob jokes until at least the third paragraph) of keeping Lara Croft in the public eye, which isn’t so bad since most of us would rather ogle her than play yet another action-adventure game. This tactic had another side benefit of granting the designers the opportunity to recharge their batteries and breathe new life into a series almost as musty as one of Lara’s fave crypts.

You'll close your eyes, too

That's better

As am I

That hasn’t happened. Judging by Tomb Raider: Movie Tie-In—er, The Angel of Darkness, the hiatus should have lasted longer. A lot longer. Hell, let’s go for broke here and say forever. It’s a certainty that anyone who spends the 20 or so hours required to finish this game will be forever cured of lusting after this Maximized take on Indiana Jones. Instead of moving the seven-year-old series in new directions, freshening up the spirit that made the original two releases such a hoot, Core has trashed everything that ever made the Tomb Raider games popular. Plot is now more James Bond than Dr. Jones, with a smattering of the X-Files. You spend more time in modern cities than ancient ruins. All of the new stealth and hand-to-hand combat options are a waste of time. The control system is probably the worst that I’ve ever experienced in a computer or video game—and, man, I own an Intellivision.