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» MEDIA (3) Piper Uh Oh... reason number 6 to Cry. Two out of Three

I'm going to go where most grown men try to avoid.

I'm going to tell you what it is that makes me cry. Why? Well to be perfectly honest, I need to vent, and if you're going to get to know me.. I might as well toss all of you straight down the rabbit hole into the abyss.

I'm going to start with the easy stuff.

1. Groin Trauma. This morning was a fine example, my chocolate lab Piper decided that putting forty pounds of meathead directly on my right nut is a great way to wake up. OW. Moving along.

2. Sappy Movies. Ever seen The Notebook? Man I couldn't help it I welled up and there it was. God I love my wife.

3. Facial/Nasal Trauma I had a bad day in 1997. I was the proud owner of a 1973 Plymouth Satellite, rebuilt, and repainted. On a very nice day in late August I was driving home after a hard day sheering sheep(yes sheep... a story for another time). A man and his robust wife, his three grade school aged children, their infant, a puppy and a kitten decided to interrupt my direct line of travel. My Plymouth shrank seven inches, and my face made a significant impact on the windshield. Needless to say after you have surgery, and the doc pulls out the gauze packs. Regardless of the state of your man-card you will cry involuntarily. The tears will stream out of your eyes whether or not you even feel like crying.

4. Hilarious Jokes/Comedy Films I hope you've all been there to experience this one. You're sitting in the theater watching the summers biggest comedy, and you can't even breathe, the tears flow, and you pray for a break, so you can survive to the next scene.

5. Death This one is self explanatory. When you lose someone, you lose them forever. I lost Grandma two years ago, and the world lost a little color. Mostly red. Grandma bought me the Virtual Boy for good grades long ago.

6. Babies I have three daughters, 3 and under. Every time one is born you cry. When they're sick you cry. Being helpless when it comes to your kids is the express lane to over flowing tear ducts.

7. Failure This is where I vent. I'm a manager for a 'big box' retailer. Yesterday I was given my yearly review. I'm one of those Dudley Do-right, follow the rules, do more than required brown-noser type guys. Scheduled at 8, be there at 7:30. A performance review should not be a surprise, it should be affirmation of what you've already done.

I was shocked to even be given a review, I'm not supposed to get a review until April. My employee's have nothing but good to say about me, I still receive daily compliments on how I behave above and beyond my peers, and predecessors even eight months on the job.

I have been given 60 days to improve or be removed. According to the review rating I was given, I am within the bottom 5% of all Managers. Their reasons, I believe are inaccurate. Regardless of the authenticity of the review, or perspective on the situation. It is what it is. I am required to complete an improvement plan, and this year, I will receive no bonus, nor a yearly raise. According to 'them' I failed to succeed. This is something I'm not used to, hell I've use cheat codes to succeed. I'm a high flying, award winning, employee of the month, 31 pieces of flair son of a gun. Not on 03/20 however, on a day that was supposed to be a celebration, (my twin brother-in-laws were born on 03/20). I am weighed measured and been found wanton. Then they gave me the ultimatum.

So what do you do? I didn't know what to do. I tried to explain the incongruities in the situation. I tried to deny, I tried to compare myself to my peers, to no avail. As I said before. It is what it is. I failed, in some way or another I failed to force them to give me a review worthy of my performance. I failed to leave them no other choice than to give me a better review. I have an indelible black mark in my personnel file. What do you do, when its all you can give? What do you do when its all you've got?

I can tell you what I'm going to do. Quit. Well at least thats what I wanted to do. I managed to get to my truck to drive home before the full realization of the situation crashed down on me.

I read somewhere that the smarter people on this planet tend to be unhappy. Simply because we are able to see the injustice in life, the we are able to perceive the scope, and the reality of the plight of being alive. I was beginning to feel EXTREMELY articulate and intelligent.

I got to the truck and I started to cry. I'm 6'6", 265 lbs. Yet I cried like one of my little girls. Tears streaming down my face, nose starting to run, and a headache in my future. I started to drive home and I called my wife. To apologize.

While I drove I tried to stop crying. I tried to get myself together. I began to think the worst of things, no raise, no bonus, no respect, failure, years of service, all gone. I had wasted my life. 55 hours a week, missing the babies smiling, learning, reaching milestones. I couldn't pull myself together. I got home and then my oldest daughter asked what was wrong with Daddy. I didn't have an answer. I was simply ashamed, I realized then, that I failed them too.

So improve or remove. I can tell you the easy way out. Move on, find some other box to manage in. Quit, walk-out, RUN. Take away the satisfaction of torturing me. This performance improvement plan will be torture. None of my peers or employees, know that I'm potentially less than 60 days from being removed. Only the Store Manager, and the Human Resources manager know my situation, because they put me in it. A secret hell where you can't tell anyone "Hey I need you to do your Job to the highest level possible so I don't get fired!" You simply have to do the best you can to make people do the opposite of human nature, to take the road less traveled.

So I've decided to bite the bullet, and it has a bitter taste. "Improve" is the path of most resistance. I will be under very close scrutiny. I will succeed.

I'm going to take this review and make them feel guilty for even thinking about presenting it to me. I'm going to make them give me a bigger raise than they would have if they would have left well enough alone. I'm going to do what I do best. Take the hard road, the one no one wants to take, I'm going in early and I'm leaving late.

Thats all there is in this world, strife, and struggle. I cried, but now I'm done. The headache is gone, and the only thing left is the diamond hard focus that they will never make me cry again for the same reason.


Because I'll totally cry if they kick me in the nuts as hard as Piper did.


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