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Editor's Challenge: Update 1 February 12, 2007 John JCal Callaham |
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Summary: WIN $1500 OR $1000 Enter our editor's and video challenges, if you dare. Read inside for our commentary on some of this week's entries.
 Opening | Page:: ( 1 / 13 ) |
One thing to remember is that in these rounds, it’s going to be the public vote that matters. Got a favorite contestant? It’s up to you to rally support and get people to vote! Likewise, if you’re not happy with the number of votes you’re getting, it’s up to you to rally your friends and family behind you and to get listen to your readers’ advice… and our advice.
We’ve gotten together to look at the current entries in the competition. Some have been amazing. Some less so… Let’s see how the current contestants stand up under the scope of the FiringSquad Team.
Most importantly, VOTE! We’ve chosen many, but not all, entries to criticize and use as examples. One of the dozens of people who have entered our contest so far will eventually have their work featured here. It is up to you to make sure that the best and brightest are selected! There’s also the $1500 prize for the winner… and the $10,000 writing contract.
Check out the full list of Editor’s Challenge entries here! Also, the Video Challenge portion has just one entry so far! Yoda_blues is gonna walk away with the big prize unchallenged. And really, with a video that good, can you compete? I thought not.
| WWII | Page:: ( 2 / 13 ) |
JCal: This is a great subject for an article and I like some of the author's viewpoints. I wish there were some specific examples from specific WWII games that illustrated his point and the long, long list of games is not needed. Some examples don't really count either (Resistance: Fall of Man is not a WWII shooter) . I do like that the article looks at how war has been used as entertainment and examines how that might be a bad idea for some games. This is the kind of feature that is both entertaining and makes you think. Overall, it's well done
Brandon: You clearly spent a lot of time researching your article, and you did a solid job of backing up all your points. Your analysis is spot-on in my opinion and I thought you did a good job. The article was also well written. The only tweak I would have made is titles for a few of the various paragraphs. The next to last paragraph stood out the most in my opinion.
Alan: A good writer has to know his material. A good writer also needs to know the pulse of his readers so that his topics will be interesting. You’ve got those two elements down and that’s a good thing. There’s unfortunately a third element to being a writer. You can call it the X Factor, having “heart”, the “Bruce Willis is dead” factor, etc. What’s missing right now is your writing voice. It’s not just about reporting the facts – you have to objective and subjective at the same time.
Jakub: Unlike most commentary about World War II in gaming, your article isn’t a rant and has facts, but they’re not put together well. So there have been 350 World War II-related games released in the past decade, great. Out of how many games in total? Walk around town and it seems like you’re tripping over BMWs some days, but the fact is that there are a lot more Toyotas out there. If you’re going to try and convince me with hard facts, you have to string them together into one constant argument in favor of your position, and pre-emptively shut down common points of dissent. If you choose not to be passionate with your words, then deliver a relentless flurry of facts and arguments to build that emotional high for you. Oh, and work on those analogies. There’s no way you’re ever going to convince me that improved graphics performance is like heating water so it can dissolve more salt. Your work ethic intrigues me, however.
| Levelord Multiplayer | Page:: ( 3 / 13 ) |
JCal: This is a high-school journal entry, not a gaming article. This is not what we should be looking for in a new writer. I really didn't find anything that interested me. Trying to break into the video game industry should make for a fascinating and fun to read feature but all we got was a brief encounter with a well known level designer during a classroom exercise. The writing was not up to par with what people expect from this web site. It needs some work.
Alan: This is an example of having a clear writing voice, which is great. Unfortunately, there’s not much substance in this article. Maybe if he’s telling the inside story of developing a game or the if he’s applying this same level of passion to something with substance, he might have a chance. Right now? He’d be a pass.
Jakub: The personal experience is a difficult style of article to write, and I applaud you for trying but I can’t say it’s been too successful. Anecdotes have to be entertaining and they usually work best when they have a point or at least an amusing ending. Karma doesn’t really fit either description.
Entry 2: Multiplayer Decision Systems
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JCal: Holy Toledo! The writer clearly follows the multiplayer shooter scene extensively. However the subject matter is of interest only to pro gamers. Most people will look at this detailed look at how multiplayer games are played and admire it but won't read and really enjoy it. It would have been better with some more color; perhaps some insight as to how specific players handle specific levels. This is more of a thesis than an article written for a gaming web site.
Alan: Ah, the beauty of having multiple entries. Now this is where I’m seeing substance. There’s even a distinct voice to this article and a sophisticated understanding of gameplay mechanics. What’s missing though is ability to relay this information in a more concise and easy-to-follow manner. If you can take your background and present it in a more interesting way, you’ll make it to the finals.
Jakub: Here you put your practical and theoretical knowledge to good use and impress the reader. The only problem is that there’s nothing to spark the imagination, to make it personal for the audience. Quake 3 is a good technical choice, but it presents the same problem for your article as it does for the gaming world: it’s too hardcore. Something more likely to catch interest would be a hypothetical losing situation in Call of Duty 2, Counter-Strike, Company of Heroes, or even World of WarCraft. Tap into that memory everyone has from when they run into a truly gifted opponent, someone so much better that you can’t even be angry at yourself for losing. Otherwise your article will appeal only to that same niche you’re trying to describe.
| Dynasty Nerdcore | Page:: ( 4 / 13 ) |
Funky J
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JCal: Picking a subject that is of interest to our readers is almost as important as the writing itself. Do we really need a review of a Dynasty Warriors PSP game on our site? I don't think so. For our readers you have to pick a subject that will catch them immediately and you lost it with the title of this review. The review itself was what we would have expected as well; the writer clearly wasn't inspired by the game and as such wasn't inspired to write a solid review. Sometimes bad games can make good fun reviews. This one isn't one of them.
Alan: This sort of review is great for getting your two cents on a game or product on a message board or our hardware database. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have the level of detail that most readers expect from a FiringSquad article. Sorry.
Jakub: I’m going to echo Alan’s comments and say it reads more like a forum post than a review. That’s not the kind of grammar, tone, and depth you would bring to a professional publication.
Entry 2: Nerdcore Rising! Interview with MC Frontalot
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JCal: In my own humble opinion this is the worst article of the current batch so far. It's badly written and has a subject that has nothing to do with hardware and almost nothing with gaming (having a Penny Arcade reference doesn't count). Having a feature article on game music or maybe music inspired by games would be a good idea but... well, I don't know who this piece was supposed to be written for.
Jakub: The difference in style and writing made me decide to do some googling. Here are some interesting results. Needless to say: fail.
| WoW, Zelda, Dreamfall | Page:: ( 5 / 13 ) |
JCal: Here is a unique article that is well written, extensive, of interest to our readers and most of all is entertaining and fun to read. While looking back at a time period of an MMO is tricky business this feature made it feel like the author lived in this period of World of Warcraft's existence and also made the reader feel that something was lost in the years since WoW's launch. Well done.
Alan: WoW has been out for over 2 years, and yet this article still works well. That’s the magic of having a clear writing voice and an ability to “make the case” for your opinion. You’ll be fine in the prelims even with this archival material. That said, one of the challenges in this contest is being efficient. Keep in mind that writers have to respond to breaking news at is happens and work under deadlines.
Jakub: An interesting writing style, something along the lines of what you may see in Wired or the NY Times tech section, though not quite as polished. Hopefully for the next stage you’ll come up with a newer work.
Review: Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (Wii)
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JCal: An average review about a game that has already been written about extensively. Nothing bad but nothing great either. If you are going to review Twilight Princess you have to come at it from a different angle than all the rest. This one is just average.
Alan: A competent review, but it’s still missing the writing voice and a personality. Game reviews have to serve a purpose. Sometimes it’s to feature a game that no one’s ever heard of before, or give you our take on a game that’s unfiltered by the reality distortion field that some of the mainstream sites carry. Tell a story about the game rather than just taking a checklist approach.
Dreamfall: The Longest Journey Review
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JCal: Once again, an average review about a game that has been reviewed to death several months ago....I can't get too excited about this. Here's a note to all the people who want to post reviews of games for their contest entries. Try to make them games that will be relevant to our site and also make them about more recent games (Lost Planet, Gears of War, Burning Crusade, Vanguard, etc)
Alan: I agree with JCal mostly. I think it shows more potential than the last review, but reviewing an old game isn’t going to drum interest. Remember, I may see some potential in you, but the important thing is getting the voting public to see your potential.
Brandon: Clearly you’re a very good writer, and I’d like to see you in the next round, if only to see what you’ll write next. You also know your subject matter quite well: as a veteran of Sierra adventure games like Space Quest, Heroes Quest, etc I appreciated your references to the aforementioned titles, as well as Monkey Island.
When you (hopefully) get to round 2, I’d suggest you elaborate a bit more, you touched on all the aspects of Dreamfall (gameplay, graphics, etc) but I was hoping for a little more depth. Sum it up with a Ballistics Report and Final Verdict in FiringSquad style as well.
Jakub: I’m inclined to agree with Brandon more than Alan or John. You have a theme, you present critical thought, your paragraphs are organized and your writing is interesting if not spectacular. I do wonder however if graphics can save a game’s face, “literally”. To separate yourself from the pack you must rise above silly mistakes like that.
| Smart games and Vista | Page:: ( 6 / 13 ) |
JCal: Best title of all the entries we have so far...the article is pretty good as well. It takes a look at a perspective of games from a whole different direction. I would have liked to have seen more color and more detail to prove some of the points you made but overall it's a solid effort
Alan: Gotta leave it to our news editor to fall in love with your news-style entry. I have to disagree with JCal. Sure, the concept and headline is great but the execution and article itself lacks any real substance. It’s a good topic to build upon, and I hope you make it to the next round so that you can continue to develop the article.
Jakub: Unlike Alan, I’m more concerned with the grammar you show than the content. It’s an interesting theme and you develop it moderately well, but the writing could use work. Quote from your article: “Like all standard games, we have to rescue a certain people, get a certain item, and go to a certain location and many more. All this are goal driven experience.” That’s not professional.
Gaming PCs, Vista, and You: Part 1 of 3, Upgrading
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JCal: I recommend we disqualify this entry or at least tell him to use the Matrix .
Alan: Rule #1: You have to use the Matrix. Posting a link to a Word document doesn’t count. Updated your entry without putting in URLs , I can tell you what’s wrong with the article. First the good: it’s a great topic idea.
The problem with the article is that you have technical errors. Research is 90% of the article. When you compare Vista and XP, the real issues are going to be memory is important, GPU speed (even non DX10) and HDD speed. Active PFC is more efficient but it doesn’t have anything to do with your own electricity bill – that’s a design issue. Likewise, you need to be talking about 85% efficiency as the target for enthusiasts looking to bring their electricity bill down and Windows Vista’s improved suspend features.
There’s nothing wrong with linking to other websites for information. For example, our colleagues at Anandtech do a great job of providing a second opinion on important topics and Digital Trends is great for non-technical readers. That said, you don’t want to be a simple content aggregator. The point of FiringSquad is to provide meaning and context to technology and that’s something that’s missing from the Tom’s Hardware article you linked to.
In that article they divide video cards by very small price points: Best PCI-E card for $100… $125… $150… $180. While their specific recommendations may be appropriate, there’s no context. A $25-30 difference is a week of Starbucks or a half a tank of gas. There’s a big difference between a $100 budget and a $180 budget, but when there’s so much granularity, the recommendations become useless.
Suppose a FiringSquad reader comes up to me and says “I have a $100 to spend on a video card upgrade for Windows Vista, what should I get?” The answer has to be “Don’t buy a $100 7600GS. Find some way to save another $25 and get the 7600GT because it’ll give you much better bang-for-the-buck in terms of both 3D performance and video processing.”
Once you can provide context to your articles, you can take a stronger writing voice – you can’t be timid about making your recommendations. Be strong with your opinions, and then back it up with objective evidence.
| Bawls and Warhammer Online | Page:: ( 7 / 13 ) |
JCal: You seem to think that this article is funny. It's not. It's not really a gaming article. Pass.
Alan: I wrote a review of an air purifier for FiringSquad and it was one of the most popular articles that month. The ability to write a review on some completely random topic is an art that requires years of experience. You don’t have that experience yet. Pass.
Brandon: Actually I don’t find this “review” as offensive as some of the other editors do. The writing style wasn’t bad, I don’t think it was as funny as zoemorn intended, but still not bad, I’ve definitely seen worse. It’s really tough writing funny articles, in my opinion it’s one of the toughest forms of writing out there. If zoemorn makes it to the next round, I’d suggest picking up a more serious topic and writing about that instead.
Keep in mind that this is a serious writing competition where we will be picking the next editor on our staff. In other words, think of this as a job interview. With that advice in mind, write your next article appropriately.
Jakub: It’s an attempt at being funny, but that’s all.
Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning; Reckoned Before Release?
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JCal: This article clearly has an agenda to spit out but the writer doesn't do much more than worry about how EA buying Mythic may be BAD BAD BAD. I'm also not completely convinced that his argument really works. All the evidence shows that Mythic is being given much more of a free hand in developing their games than other studios EA has purchased. The author is using history to dictate what might happen to Warhammer Online and sometimes you have to do more to make your argument work. He didn't accomplish this.
Alan: I can tell you’re passionate about the issue, but I’m just not feeling it and you haven’t made the case for outrage or “concern. You need to provide more context so that you’ve got an article for all hardcore gamers rather than just the WAR fans. Maybe some more depth into the EA issue and the direction you want Mythic to take the game.
Jakub: I like the writing and presentation, but the logical leap required to go from the Battlefield 2 expansion to the complete downfall of the Warhammer Online concept is rather extensive. I see definite writing potential but you have to lose the immature “corporation = bad!” attitude. Electronic Arts certainly has a number of issues and they do rub hardcore gamers the wrong way, but to dismiss them completely is unfair, especially when you’re talking about a genre as different as MMOs and an independent company like Mythic.
| More Vista | Page:: ( 8 / 13 ) |
JCal: Er...what was this article supposed to be about? It rambles all over the place and after the third paragraph I gave up trying to figure it out. You should stay off the Jolt Cola. Just writing about various items without any kind of structure may make for a good blog entry. For a feature you have to have some kind of idea of what you want to write about with a real beginning, middle and end.
Alan: JCal, it’s a blog! One of the reasons we kept the rules simple was to open the door for creativity.
Mikeomando, I like the fact that you’re not afraid to bring a unique voice to the contest and the fact that you have the highest user rating so far is awesome. This first “episode” will probably be enough to get you through the prelims, but you’ll have to build upon this foundation. Smart move by helping your readers get into your mind. Now show us what you’ve got.
Are you ready for Windows Vista
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JCal: This is an article that would be fine for a mainstream newspaper or magazine but it needs some punch for the hardcore hardware readers of FiringSquad. Writer who need to enter this contest need to realize that our readership are no dummies. Overall the writer did a good job and I think that if he catered to our audience he would make future articles much more interesting. I think he should continue through to the next round to see what he can do.
Alan: I agree. Very well written for a mainstream piece. It’s concise, easy to understand, and touches up on all the right topics. You’ve shown me that you can write, but the readers will need to see that you can write to the FiringSquad audience. Try to get the readers of your IT newsletter to vote for your entry to get it past the prelims, but if you don’t make it this round, keep in mind that you can enter again in the second preliminary round.
Brandon: Not a bad article, although I would have spiced it up with some Vista screenshots. Your article isn’t quite as thorough as the other Vista article I mentioned above either. If I were you, I’d go back and tweak it a bit, this is fine for an IT publication, but the FiringSquad reader demands a little more depth.
| The Trouble with Technology and more Vista | Page:: ( 9 / 13 ) |
JCal: This writer definitely has some good ideas about mainstream gaming but the writing itself is not quite there yet. It's not cohesive enough and doesn't come together quite right...if he wrote a little more clearer or had some humor in there his message would have a better presentation. I would like to see if he can improve in the next round because he definitely knows our audience and might bring it home with another article
Alan: I can see where JCal is coming from, but you don’t need to add humor into it if it’s not your individual voice. Where the article can be improved is going beyond the Wii. Take the argument for the social gaming by talking about games that can be fun to watch other people play, MMORPGs, or even games like Guitar Hero, DDR, or Karaoke Revolution.
Brandon: Interesting subject matter and you do a brilliant job of backing up your points with solid examples. This is an editorial that is ready for publishing as-is on FiringSquad and you sir, belong in round 2.
Jakub: A good article, but you outline the problem with it in your opening paragraph. You don’t plan and you rarely delete, and while the article came out well, it could have been so much better if you went back to it a couple of hours later and looked over what you wrote with a fresh mind. It’s one of the tougher traits to acquire as an editor or freelance writer, but one you should develop.
Windows Vista: The Future of PC Gaming (Part One)
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JCal: This article is perfect for the FiringSquad audience. It's clearly written, has a subject that is of interest to our readership and has something to offer for both hardcore hardware and PC gamers. In fact it read like something Brandon might have created. I think this writer created the best article so far in this round and definitely should move on. Well done.
Alan: You know your stuff and you’ve got a clear writing voice. Now, you have to step up the narrative story a bit. The title is spot on, but your intro doesn’t infuse enough interest into the article. The intro sets the pace for the rest of the article. Go beyond the typical Microsoft marketing for your intro. Set-up your narrative. Generate interest. Make your case. Be cohesive. Be concise.
Brandon: Well written article. You also did a good job explaining your points with the addition of the screenshots. I’m definitely looking forward to part 2. The only advice I’d give is to work on your intro just a bit more. It was short and to the point, which is good for round 1 of this contest, but for round 2 I’d like to see a little more depth. Very nice work though.
Jakub: Alan, he’s writing about Vista. If article topics were cars, the untitled BioWare and Blizzard projects would be Ferraris. Vista, on the other hand, is a 1986 Dodge Caravan. I heartily commend anyone who can give me a reason to care about Vista that does not include the reminder that Microsoft won’t release DirectX 10 for XP.
| Birth of America, Civ 4, FPS | Page:: ( 10 / 13 ) |
JCal: This game isn't exactly a hardcore PC title but the review is well written, clear and shows that the writer knows his subject. I would like to see the writer handle a review of, say, Supreme Commander or Vanguard or something more high profile. The review itself was straight and to the point and in my opinion is the best of all the entries that have used a review as their theme.
Alan: I don’t hear a distinct voice, and you haven’t made the case on whether or not I should or shouldn’t get the game. It’s mechanical. I need to see the fire in your reviews.
Jakub: Not a hardcore PC game, John? First of all, it’s turn-based. Anyone making or finding a turn-based PC game nowadays is worthy of hardcore consideration. Secondly, many seemingly simple games like Panzer General or Axis & Allies have surprising depth. I like the choice of subject matter.
However, as far as the article itself goes, some more specific criticisms and examples are needed. Repeating the statement that Birth of America isn’t as deep as Victoria or Europa Universalis doesn’t make it true, you have to demonstrate this somehow.
Montezuma's Revenge
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JCal: An entertaining look at playing Civ 4. A total reverse of the previous extensive article that had a lot of detail but had no heart. This one made you want to read it, even if you don't play Civ 4. For the record, I don't play this game but after reading this author's descriptions it made me want to go and buy a copy. That's just about says it all
Alan: Definitely a lot of heart, but it’s doesn’t have that last bit of cohesiveness need to make it. I’m interested to see where you go next.
Jakub: If FiringSquad had editor’s blogs, that’d be the kind of post we’d make. However, we primarily rely on our articles. What is your subject? How do you criticize it, support it, or explain it? I like your writing style and your casual attitude doesn’t seem put-on, but that’s not enough. Kudos on the old school game reference, by the way.
First Person Shooters with good stories?
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JCal: Too short and not well written. You didn't put much effort into this contest and we shouldn't put much effort into reading it. Just a rule of thumb for writers who are entering this contest; try to spend more time with your features rather that whip up something that reads like it took 30 minutes to create.
Alan: Sorry.
Jakub: Why is Alan apologizing to the author? I think the apologies should go the other way around.
Click here for the full article
JCal: Didn't we do an article about this subject? ;) It's a bit too short and of course we have covered this before. Writers need to pick subjects that are both interesting to our readership yet something that hasn't really been addressed before on our site. The writing itself is pretty good and clear. Again, writers need to pick a subject that's both interesting and one that we haven't considered before. I really can't emphasis this enough
Alan: Let me rephrase that. If you want to succeed in this contest and you’re covering something that we’ve covered before, you’ll need to add more of a distinct perspective than what you’ve done here. That said, it’s well written with a coherent voice. You should be able to make it to the next round by rallying your friends and colleagues to vote for you. I look forward to seeing your work in the next round.
From CPU to Cinema: Why Unforgettable Games make Unforgivable Films
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JCal: Games and movies always make good article fodder. This one could have tackled the subject better and with more detail. I personally have some strong opinions on why movies based on games mostly fail. The author echoed some of my same ideas. He just needed to get into the nitty gritty with more examples. Overall this is not a bad effort and I would like to see how this author handles the next round.
Alan: Again, an example of selecting a good topic. You have a clear voice in your writing which is important for success. The biggest challenge to screenwriting is that it’s incredibly difficult to do well. Videogames have the advantage of being able to tell long stories that may not fit into a 2-hour slot, or the ability to provide interactivity that enhances the emotional response. Most video game movies are terrible, but then again, most movies coming out of Hollywood today are terrible.
Jakub: Alan brings up the point and then skirts around it: you chose a good topic but failed to deliver. It’s not that your thesis is incorrect, just that you cannot back it up properly. There’s no exploration of the movie industry’s side, no attempt to explain why video game movies turn out poorly from a movie standpoint. This is important because then you can suggest solutions. Instead, you present why video game movies are bad from the gamer’s perspective, without taking into account the limitations and advantages of the film format. Your writing is good, you just need to find a topic you have more familiarity and experience with.
You've Lost that Loving Feeling
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JCal: This article could have expressed the writer's viewpoint better. There's nothing wrong with having great memories of older games but overall the writing was just average. It's also a little bit short for me taste. I would have loved to seen more specific examples of great games of the past and how playing them for the first time was truly an inspiring experience. I know I have had those kinds of memories and I would have liked to have read the writer's own experiences as well.
Alan: You’ve got a great introduction and an interesting topic. In my mind, this feels like a setup and introduction to some bigger article so it feels like it ends prematurely. You said you couldn’t put your finger on it, and you bring up some thoughts – you need to expand on those even if it’s just brainstorming. Think about the most recent games you’ve played that *did* make a difference.
Brandon: I agree with everything you said in your article and I think you did a good job of conveying your points. With that being said though I’d like to see another submission from you. Clearly you can write well, so perhaps for your second entry, you should review that copy of Gears of War you just purchased. Or if you want to use your existing material, expound on why Gears was so disappointing to you.
| Games, games, and more games | Page:: ( 11 / 13 ) |
JCal: This article certainly has a top topic to discuss but the presentation is rather bland and doesn't really touch on things that haven't been discussed before on this subject . I would have preferred a little more factual info and a little less on the opinion. It's also a tad short for me as well. There are a ton of different themes and directions on the subject of games and politics and the author really only scratches the surface.
Alan: It’s not the opinion that’s bad, it’s that you haven’t backed up your opinions with enough fact. In order to make your argument effective you need to understand why the ESA hasn’t been effective, you need to understand why some people think Jack Thompson is correct, and think about what a legal defense fund can do. When dealing with a controversial topic, you need to understand both sides of the issue and then make the case for your side.
Is PC gaming really that expensive?
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JCal: A solid article that compares and contrasts the real costs of PC gaming with console gaming. The writer has does his homework and his overall presentation is well written and clear. Again this is a feature that could easily be posted on FiringSquad and not look out of place. It also has the advantage of being a subject that will generate a ton of comments from our readers on its various points which is of course always a good thing.
Statistical Analysis of Current FPS Gaming
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JCal: Here is an interesting take on multiplayer gaming based on sheer numbers. People can debate what those numbers actually mean in the long run but at least the author has taken a look at numbers from Steam, Xfire and other methods and arrived at his conclusions. (the fact about hard drives is certainly one that I had never heard of before. Overall it’s a pretty well written piece and I would like to see how this writer handles the next round.
Alan: The operating system is definitely one of the critical issues that you’ve left out. What’s missing from this article is cohesiveness. Every word, every sentence must be a set-up for your ultimate conclusion – I didn’t see a cohesive argument here. There’s a lot of potential in here though – you bring up good issues about Quake 3 vs. Quake 4. The other question I pose to you is whether you think that people don’t play Doom 3/Quake 4 because their computers cannot handle it, or that people don’t upgrade their computers because Doom3/Quake4 do not make a compelling argument…
| FlatOut, Wii, Gaming Culture | Page:: ( 12 / 13 ) |
FlatOut Demo: Reviewed
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JCal: While this review is of a free demo that is two years old at least the author mentions that in his article (perhaps too much; it takes about four paragraphs before we get to the review itself). I would have preferred reading an review of a more recent game but this isn't bad. Once again, writers who want to enter this contest with a game review need to find a game that is both recent and make it different than those reviews written before yours.
Alan: You ramble in this article so you’ll lose your reader’s interest. That’s what’s going to kill you in this contest. You have to focus on your message: A few days ago, you downloaded a two year old game and you’ve discovered that it’s a blast. That’s amazing. You need to deliver that message to your readers. Your writing isn’t there yet – but keep it up. With more practice, you’ll be able to succeed.
Jakub: Are you writing a demo review or an apology for writing a demo review for a writing competition? All I need to see from you is a style of article I’d post (and we’ve done demo reviews before), proper writing, interesting style, and an insightful and critical opinion. Reading your first few paragraphs is like listening to a girlfriend talk about the big fight at work that day, and of course she started by explaining how she dressed for work. There’s a point to both tales, but for some reason both start with a ten minute prologue that has nothing to do with it all.
That said, you do show the necessary skills in the end. Don’t apologize for your choice of subject matter, this is a first-round entry in a writing competition, not an article you submitted to your editor.
Brandon: I honestly kind of thought you spent too much time explaining why you’re reviewing the Flatout demo. Just eliminate all of those paragraphs in my opinion. Personally I don’t care what topic you choose to write about (see my Bawls comments for proof), I’m looking at your writing style and how well you explain your arguments, you could review Wing Commander for all I care (which was a great game btw), just make it interesting!
Once you actually started the review itself, you did well. You did a nice job describing the gameplay and controls, as well as providing examples to other racing games.
Trim out the fat, and this would be a nice, concise review. Nothing extraordinary, but definitely not bad either.
Wii should play together.
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JCal: This article is an opinion piece on the Wii rather than a straight review. That's always a tricky way to write a feature article but in this case the author did an exceptional job in expressing his views that Nintendo's console represents something different than the norm. I'll be interested to see if the author will be able to step it up in the next round.
Brandon: Another very well written article. It was entertaining and you did a great job with the flow of the article, I was never bored. ExpertPenguin should definitely go to the next round.
Jakub: A good editorial but I have to take issue with some of the grammar and spelling present. Also, an informal tone is difficult to pull off and you’re right on the line. “Can you see what I'm getting at here?” is a particular example of something I dislike. The moment you ask your reader something, you have them begin thinking and thus potentially breaking the train of thought you were building for them in the first place. A question like that is an excellent choice in person, something you can do from time to time in audio or video, and much more difficult in text. Delete it and the entire paragraph looks better.
The Video and Computer Gaming Culture
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JCal: Now here's an author who has ambition. This feature is perhaps the longest of all the entries so far. However it also has problems. Having an article this lengthy means that it had better be entertaining from start to finish. The problem is that this author seems to want to write for a more mainstream audience rather than a FiringSquad audience (I think our readers know what FPS stands for). I got bored very quickly as it went over subjects that I have known about and I imagine the average reader on this web site would feel the same.
Brandon: Wow. You obviously put a lot of thought into this and it shows. I think your writing is very good and clearly you did some research on this topic, but your article is so wordy that unfortunately I think a lot of people are going to skip over it. Next time you decide to put so much effort into an article, I’d suggest a more mainstream topic that people will want to read. It’s not that you picked a bad topic, just that FS readers already know what a LAN party is and so they’re not going to be inclined to read the whole article from cover to cover. I definitely think you should go to the next round though, just so we can see what you write next. Very nice job kessandra!
Jakub: I need a demonstration of critical thought or being able to develop a theme in an editorial. Don’t get me wrong, your writing is fine and you show you have the gaming depth to be among our staff, but a list of definitions and amusing examples is not the kind of article we’d generally post. I love the motivation you show, however. Don’t be afraid to be ambitious!
Why I joined the dark side of console gaming:
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Brandon: Overall a very solid piece, albeit it is a little long. In particular I kind of felt you started to ramble a little in the middle. I honestly think you should have spent those words instead on more reasons justifying your PS3 purchase over the other consoles, as to me, you really didn’t make your argument for the PS3 clear enough. The online section of the article in particular seems kind of out of place, you should have integrated that into your case for the PS3 over Xbox 360 a little better.
Also, in case you make it to the next round, I’d suggest taking out words like “I hate this” without giving a real good case to back up your feelings on the subject. You can’t just throw that word out there without any evidence backing up your argument, unless of course you want to start a flame war.
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To all of the writers who have entered our contest, I want to say how great it is that you have shown a lot of gumption putting your writing talents out on the table (so to speak) for everyone here to read and evaluate. Even if you did get a somewhat negative review from me, keep in mind that we are not evaluating you. We are just evaluating your article. You should keep entering the contest with the goal of making your entries better. Remember you still have several days to enter in our first round and if you don't make it in this round there's the second portion coming in a couple of weeks. For those of you who have been thinking about entering but have not yet done so, what's stopping you? This is your chance to get a professional writing contract with one of the biggest, oldest and most well known hardcore hardware and gaming web sites. I wish I had this kind of an opportunity when I was younger. This is a unique way to get into the journalism business and can lead to even bigger things. Trust me; I know. I encourage all of you who are sitting on the fence to get up, head to your keyboard and start writing. You might be surprised at what you can come up with. Good luck to all of you.